The Sweet Breakdown
by lycan-cub
Summary: BJ has been broken and it's up to Hawkeye to try to put him back together. Please R&R. BJ/Hawkeye Slash. FINISHED.
1. Chapter 1

_(AN: This is a story I've been working on for the longest. Ideas would be nice if you have any. Hope you enjoy and I will try to write more soon.)_

BJ walked around the camp dragging his feet. It was dawn but it was still dark. He kicked a rock and watched it skip across the ground. He hadn't had a good of night sleep for about a month. Peg hasn't written him in about a month. He kept sending letters but there was still no answer.

He was worried about Peg and Erin. There were a million reasons why she hasn't written back, but he didn't want to think negative though. BJ stuffed his hands into his pockets and continue to walk. At least I still have Hawkeye, he thought. He's one the only things that kept him sane around there. He also knew that he had a shorter fuse these days.

He walked back to the Swamp. He saw that Charles was still asleep. He was snoring lightly. He looked over at Hawkeye who was sitting with his face in hands. "Hawkeye?" BJ asked in confusion. Hawkeye looked up at him. His blue eyes were wide. "Nightmare. I'm fine BJ." BJ nodded and sat on Hawkeye's cot. He sat close and their legs touched. BJ knew that he would be grateful for the contact. Hawkeye smiled at him.

"Where were you Beej?" "I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk." They sat in silence. "Let's go to the Mess Tent," Hawkeye said. BJ went to the door and waited for Hawkeye to get his robe. He was worried about Hawkeye. He was having more nightmares. BJ open up the door for Hawkeye. "Thank you." "You're welcome."

Hawkeye walked next to BJ. He was worried about BJ. He hoped Peg sent him a letter soon. He pushed open the Mess Tent doors. Hawkeye went to fix them coffee while BJ sat down. Couple of minutes later Hawkeye sat down with the coffee. He handed BJ a cup.

"So why can't you sleep?" Hawkeye asked already knowing the answer. "I'm worried about Peg," BJ said. "There are a lot of things that could be happening Beej," Hawkeye reminded. "I know but I'm still worried," BJ snapped. "I know BJ," Hawkeye said in a softer voice. BJ bowed his and sighed. "I'm sorry Hawk." "It's okay." Hawkeye wave the apology off.

They sat in silence. Hawkeye desperately wanted to break it but he didn't know what to say. He looked at BJ. He looked back at Hawkeye. Hawkeye hated the way his eyes didn't sparkle with there usual merriment.

"How are the nightmares?" Hawkeye looked back down at his coffee. "There the usual," he said vaguely and took a sip of his coffee. He knew that a lot of his nightmares weren't nightmares. Most of them were about BJ, but BJ didn't need to know that. He knew it was only a fantasy.

"Hawkeye!" He looked at BJ. "What?" "You spaced out Hawk. Is anything wrong?" His eyes lit up in concern. "No just thinking. Let's get back to the Swamp." Hawkeye stood quickly. BJ looked up at him ready to say something but he just sighed. Hawkeye walked out of the Mess Tent.

He stood outside and watched the sun come up. It came up slowly over the mountains. BJ puts a hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure you're okay Hawkeye?" He asked. Hawkeye just wanted to tell him no. He knew if he had asked BJ the same question he would have said fine. "Yeah. I'm fine BJ. I'm fine," Hawkeye answered with his head turned to look at BJ. He turned back to the sun. He wondered if BJ knew that they were breaking down under the weight of their problems.


	2. Chapter 2

_(AN: Here is Chapter 2. I'm kinda stumped as what to write next so some ides would be nice. Hope you enjoy.)_

BJ and Hawkeye sat in the Swamp playing chess. "Check," said Hawkeye proudly. BJ stroked his mustache in concentration. Hawkeye looked at it in disgust. "When are you going to get rid of that thing?" "What thing?" BJ asked as he feigned ignorance. "That hairy thing on your lip," Hawkeye said reaching over and tugging on it. BJ slapped his hand away. "I'll keep it as long as I want." Hawkeye threw his hands up in the air. BJ smiled at him.

"Could you cretins be quiet?" "Charles is awake," BJ said. "Well isn't that great," Hawkeye added. "You two are annoying. Can't you let me sleep?" "You know Charles your arrogance is going to be your down fall," Hawkeye said. "And it is going to make a very big hole." Charles sat up and glared at them. He got out of bed and left the Swamp with his showering items. Both Hawkeye and BJ watched him leave.

"BJ." "Yeah Hawk." Hawkeye just grinned and this made BJ grin. They both got up and practically ran from the Swamp. They jogged all the way to the showers. BJ took a peek in. He saw Charles whistling Mozart and shampooing what was left of his hair. His eyes were closed. BJ slipped his hand in and grabbed his towel and robe off the hook.

He closed the door quietly. He showed Hawkeye the towel and robe. They walked leisurely back to the Swamp. BJ put the robe and towel on Charles's cot. "Want to go to breakfast?" Hawkeye asked. "I do feel it is a good day for food poisoning," BJ joked.

They both walked to the Mess Tent, when they heard a scream. "PIERCE!" They watched as Charles ran as fast as he could with his hands covering himself. Hawkeye couldn't stop laughing and BJ was laughing so hard that he was crying. He leaned against Hawkeye so he didn't fall over. The whole camp was laughing, whistling, and clapping.

Charles came back out with his robe on. He walked up to the two. "You two are worse than cretins." Hawkeye looked at BJ. "What's worse than cretins?" "I don't know. Maybe Charles" Charles huffed angrily. "I will get you two. Mark my words." "Remember BJ to mark his words." "I'll put it on my calendar." Charles turned around and stalked off.

Hawkeye looked at BJ. "We need to remember not to let Charles run around naked anymore." BJ smiled "Note taken." Hawkeye loved to see him smile. He looked into his eye and noticed that they were still lacking some of their normal glitter.

BJ opened the Mess Tent doors. Hawkeye walked beside him. They grabbed a tray. "You would think they would at least give us something close to edible," Hawkeye said as he looked at the food that was being slopped onto his tray. They sat down at a table. Hawkeye looked at the gray looking slosh on the tray. BJ poked his fork at a hard brown lump that resembled sausage.

"BJ I think this stuff just moved." BJ looked over at Hawkeye's tray. "I would call you crazy but it's possible." Hawkeye pushed the tray away and looked at his cup of coffee. He peered at the black sludge in the cup. He took the sugar and started to pour it into the coffee. "Do you have any plans today?" BJ asked. "I don't think so. There haven't been any new nurses. What about you?" "I'm going to wait for the mail.

Radar came through the Mess Tent doors with the mail sack. "Sirs." They turned around. "It's our long lost son," Hawkeye exclaimed. "Who's the mother?" BJ asked. "I don't know but I always thought you would look good in an apron." "Hawkeye I have your magazines." Hawkeye took them and looked at them. BJ leaned over to have a look. "Are those the special issues?" Hawkeye nodded his head. "Yes and look at those legs." Radar blushed at his words.

"BJ you have a letter." Hawkeye watched as BJ's eyes lit up when he got the letter. He was glad to see some life back in his eyes. "You know how to make your parents happy," Hawkeye joked as he pinched Radar's cheeks. "Hawk!" Radar quickly pulled away and stomped off and Hawkeye laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

_(AN: Here is chapter 3. Hope you enjoy.)_

Hawkeye dropped his magazines on the floor. He lies down on his cot. He smiled as he remembered how happy BJ was before he left. His smile then turned sad. He was in love with BJ. He couldn't deny it anymore. It always tore him apart when BJ would get a letter from home but he was happy that BJ was happy. His fantasies may as well have been nightmares.

He hated how close to BJ he was but could never do anything about it. He wanted BJ. It had started out as a mutual friendship but quickly turned into a crush. Finally it became Hawkeye falling in love with his very straight, married best friend.

Hawkeye sighed and sat up. He grabbed a glass and poured himself a drink. Early in the morning drinking was something Hawkeye normally tired to avoid but he really felt like one. He heard the door open and BJ walk in.

"Isn't a little early in the morning to be drinking Hawkeye?"

"Maybe it is," Hawkeye said as he put the glass down and stood.

"I'm going for a walk." BJ looked at him.

"Are you okay Hawk?"

"I've never been better." Hawkeye smiled at BJ and walked out of the Swamp.

Hawkeye shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked through the camp. He didn't want to see BJ reading his letter. Normally he didn't care but something was bothering him.

His feet carried him to Father Mulcahy's tent. He didn't know why but he knocked on the door.

"Come in." Hawkeye went in to find the Father preparing for a jog.

"Oh Hawkeye. It's a pleasure to see you. What brings you here?"

"Just needed someplace to go," Hawkeye said evasively.

"Well what happened to the Swamp?"

"Nothing. BJ's in there reading a letter. I thought I would give him some privacy."

"Well you're welcome to stay awhile. I'm just going to go for a run."

"I don't mean to keep you Father," Hawkeye said sitting on the cot.

"It's quite alright." Mulcahy paused a moment and regarded Hawkeye.

"Are you okay Hawkeye?"

"I'm fine. I'm quite dandy actually. I think I could run my own shop full of them."

"It's okay if you don't want to talk but you know my doors always open." Hawkeye nodded.

"Thanks Father."

"You're quite welcome. Now I'm off." Hawkeye smiled at Father Mulcahy.

Hawkeye sat there for a few more minutes before leaving. Hawkeye walked slowly back to the Swamp.

He opened the door to the Swamp to be greeted by BJ's overturned cot and more mess than usual. He stood there rooted to the ground as he stared at a sobbing BJ Hunnicut.

_(AN: Sorry about the cliffy (ducks thrown things).)_


	4. Chapter 4

_(AN: Here is chapter 4. Hope you enjoy.)_

BJ watched Hawkeye leave the Swamp. He wondered what had happened between the Mess Tent and coming back to the Swamp. BJ looked down at his letter not sure if he wanted to open it. He had a really weird feeling but he shrugged it off.

He opened the envelope and took the letter out. He looked around the Swamp. He wished Hawkeye was there to comfort his anxiety. He unfolded the letter and started to read. It was shorter than normal and he read it two more times to be sure he read it correctly.

Tears of anger welled up in his eyes. He crumpled the letter and threw on the floor. He stood up and pushed his cot over. He then grabbed some of his things and started to destroy them or throw them all over the tent.

After BJ's fit of anger he sank to the floor and started to cry. He heard the door open and he looked up to see a blurry Hawkeye.

It surprised him to feel an arm circle around him. "Beej, what happened?" He heard Hawkeye ask.

"She's … she's been cheating on me and … and she wants a divorce." BJ answered crying even harder.

Hawkeye pulled BJ closer to him. He was pissed off. This was the last thing he ever wanted to happen to anyone especially BJ. BJ doesn't deserve this, Hawkeye thought as he hugged BJ closer.

Hawkeye heard the Swamp door open and he looked back to see Charles staring at them.

"What happened and what's wrong with Hunnicut?"

"Now's not the time Charles." Nobody could have worst timing right now, Hawkeye thought.

"Well nobody really wants to hear about your trivial matters so forget I asked."

"Your arrogance is not wanted here Charles." But Charles kept pushing.

"So what is wrong? Bad news from home," Charles said mockingly.

Hawkeye felt BJ stiffen and then he was pushed to the floor. Hawkeye quickly darted up and grabbed BJ by the waist, pulling him back. "Charles leave!"

Hawkeye tired to keep his hold on BJ, but he got loose and grabbed Charles. Charles was scared to death. Hawkeye grabbed BJ again and pried his hands off of Charles short and pulled him back to the other side of the tent. Charles was out of the Swamp once he was free.

Hawkeye fell back on the floor with BJ between his legs. Hawkeye had a tight hold on his waist. BJ started to relax in his hold but Hawkeye didn't let go. They sat there for what seemed like hours. "Pierce! Hunnicut!" Hawkeye sighed.

Colonel Potter walked into the Swamp. He saw Hawkeye holding onto BJ while they sat on the floor.

"Why did Winchester run into my office saying that BJ was insane and he tried to kill him?"

"Charles provoked BJ," Hawkeye said. Potter looked at BJ who looked back. His eyes were red and puffy.

"What happened son?" BJ looked away.

"Beej," Hawkeye said softly.

"He got a letter from home. Peg has cheated on him and she wants a divorce." Potter's face grew solemn and he looked older.

"I'm sorry BJ." BJ just sat there not moving or speaking.

Hawkeye let BJ go and stood up. He walked over to Potter. "Make sure he gets some rest. Help him Hawkeye."

Hawkeye looked him in the eyes. "That's what I plan on doing."

When the Colonel left, Hawkeye helped BJ off the floor and onto his cot. BJ feel onto Hawkeye's cot exhausted. Hawkeye pulled the covers over him. BJ fell asleep almost instantly. Hawkeye looked at him for awhile before cleaning up BJ's side of the tent.


	5. Chapter 5

_(AN: Here is chapter 5. The reviews are greatly appreciated. Hope you enjoy.)_

BJ woke up to an empty tent. He looked around. His cot was back in place and his stuff was organized again. He slept on Hawkeye's cot. He felt better after feeling emotionally, physically, and mentally drained.

He sat up on the cot and stood. He saw the crumbled letter on the floor. BJ stared at it. Hawkeye must've left it there for me to get rid of, BJ thought. BJ picked up the ball of paper and looked through his things. He pulled out a lighter and left the Swamp.

BJ looked at the sky. He didn't know he slept that long. The sun was starting to set. BJ walked towards the helipad. He looked around to make sure no one noticed him up there.

He straightened the paper as best he could. He flicked the lighter open and set the letter on fire. BJ watched the paper burn and he let it go when the fire was close to licking his fingers. He looked at the remains of the letter. He felt somewhat better but his heart still ached.

He walked back to the Swamp. He was happy to see that Hawkeye was in there. BJ went in and Hawkeye turned around to look at him. Hawkeye stood up and stood in front of BJ.

"You okay Beej?" BJ smiled at him but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I'm better. Thank you for leaving the note. I burned it." Hawkeye smiled.

"You're welcome. I knew you would want to get rid of it."

Hawkeye wrapped his arm around BJ's shoulder.

"You must be hungry. I know this place but don't complain about being sick after eating." BJ smiled. They both walked to the Mess Tent.

BJ and Hawkeye sat at the table with Colonel Potter, Father Mulcahy, Margaret, and Charles. Potter cleared his throat and looked at Charles.

"BJ I'm terribly sorry for earlier. My behavior was atrocious. I was mad about this morning and I did not know the extent of the problem. Please forgive me." BJ looked at Charles.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I tired to hurt you. I wasn't thinking straight."

BJ felt a little uneasy as he received stares of sympathy. Hawkeye pressed his leg to BJ's. BJ smiled and started to relax.

"We're very sorry for your predicament BJ," Father Mulcahy said. BJ shrugged.

"It's fine Father. Things happen." BJ picked at his food.

"You should eat something BJ," Hawkeye said. BJ sighed and started to eat.

They had made it back to the Swamp when they heard choppers.

"So much for rest," Hawkeye said. He then looked at BJ.

"Are you up to surgery?" BJ nodded.

"I need something to do and it just happens to be my job no matter what happens." BJ rushed off to the OR. Hawkeye stood for a few seconds looking at BJ's retreating back trying to figure out how he was going to fix this mess.


	6. Chapter 6

_(AN: Chapter 6. Hope you enjoy.)_

Hawkeye walked out of the OR. He plopped down on the bench. BJ came out and sat down next to him.

"10 hours," Hawkeye said tiredly.

"I need a drink," BJ said.

"I second that." They looked up to Colonel Potter pulling off his mask. BJ stood up and started to pull off his scrubs. Hawkeye followed suit.

Hawkeye rubbed his eyes as they walked back to the Swamp. It was still dark outside but it was morning. BJ went in first and grabbed his robe and shower kit. Hawkeye dropped onto his cot.

"I'm going to take a shower." Hawkeye made a sound and waved him off. BJ left the Swamp. Hawkeye inhaled deeply and smiled as he went to sleep with the smell of BJ still lingering on his cot.

BJ opened the door to the showers. It was empty. He stripped and turned on the water. He let it run over his body before he grabbed the bar of soap. He washed thoroughly trying to get the smell of blood off of him.

He grabbed his kit and pulled out the shaving cream and razor. He lathered and spread it on his face. He shaved and rinsed his face off. He stepped out of the stall and tied his robe on.

He walked back to the Swamp slowly thinking. What was wrong with him? What did he do wrong? BJ shook his head and pushed the Swamp door open. He went in to find Hawkeye asleep. He smiled when he saw him.

BJ pulled on his boxers and shirt. He looked in the small mirror and rubbed his face. He had the mustache for awhile so it was awkward to be with out it. He sighed and lay down on his cot. He closed his eyes and tired to catch whatever amount of sleep he could.

Hawkeye woke up to find BJ's cot empty. He looked over at Charles who had on his eye mask and was snoring lightly. Hawkeye grabbed his robe and towel and went to have a quick shower before he went looking for BJ.

Hawkeye felt better after his shower and he walked to Post-Op. He opened the door to see BJ sitting next to a patient checking his vitals. Hawkeye's eyes widened. He walked over to BJ.

"Excuse me sir. I'm looking for my best friend." BJ turned around and smiled.

"Really, what does he look like?"

"He looks like you but there is this hairy caterpillar occupying his upper lip."

"What you don't like it?"

"Yes I do. Just a little surprised that's all."

"Thought I could use a change," BJ said with a sad smile. Hawkeye nodded.

"Well I like it. You want to get breakfast?"

"Just give me a second Hawk." BJ wrote something on the chart and hung it back up on the bed.

"All done."

BJ and Hawkeye walked side by side to the mess tent. Hawkeye snuck glances at BJ. He was still beaten down. Hawkeye knew that BJ hid it well but he would never hide it from him.


	7. Chapter 7

_(AN: Here is chapter 7. I'm not sure about this chapter but hope you enjoy.)_

After breakfast BJ sat in the Swamp alone. Hawkeye took his place in Post-Op. He let his thoughts drift to Peg. He became angrier when he thought about Erin calling another man dad. He felt broken and the pieces of him were scattered far apart from each other. He didn't want to try to pick them up.

He saw the razor in the kit and he took it out. He looked at it not sure what exactly he wanted to do with it. He touched the cold metal thinking how simple he could make everything.

Peg didn't want him around. Nobody wanted him around. Nobody knew what to say around him. All he kept getting were sympathetic looks everywhere. He hated feeling this way more than anything.

'She broke you.' BJ shook his head as tears started to stream down his face. He didn't hear the door opened and Hawkeye walk in. He only knew he wasn't alone when Hawkeye grabbed the hand he was holding the razor in.

"What the hell are you doing BJ?" BJ looked at Hawkeye and then looked down at his arm. He didn't realize he started to cut into his arm.

"Is this what you want to do Beej?" Hawkeye asked, his voice coming out as a whisper. BJ looked at Hawkeye who was angry.

"I didn't…," BJ tired to talk but he didn't know what to say.

"Do you really think this is worth trying to kill yourself over?"

"It's my fault. Everything is my fault. If I wasn't over here none of this would have happened." BJ said through his tears.

Hawkeye took the razor. He walked over to his cot and grabbed his medical bag. He walked back over to BJ and started to treat the cut. BJ looked away from Hawkeye.

When Hawkeye finished wrapping the bandage around his arm, he gently took BJ face in his hands and turned his head to face him.

"You ever do that again I might kill you myself. And if you ever blame yourself for this mess she created, I will knock some sense into you."

BJ wanted to look away. He didn't like looking at Hawkeye when he was mad. BJ nodded his head and started to cry again.

"I'm sorry Hawk. I really didn't mean to."

Hawkeye's face softened some and he sat next to BJ and pulled him into a hug. Hawkeye knew he had his work cut out for him. He was glad he came back to the Swamp when he did. All BJ needed right now was to be sent away for trying to commit suicide.

BJ's grip on him loosened and BJ pulled away from him. Hawkeye looked at BJ. He was surprised when BJ kissed him, pushing him back onto the cot. Hawkeye didn't kiss back because he was too shocked to. BJ pulled back. He looked vulnerable and apologetic.

"God I'm so sorry Hawk," BJ said as he scrambled off of him and ran out of the Swamp. Hawkeye laid there and then he sighed.

"Stupid," he said out loud. He couldn't believe he just did that. Now BJ probably thinks I rejected him, Hawkeye thought as he quickly got off of the cot.

He ran out of the Swamp and looked around. He ran around camp asking if anyone had seen BJ. He looked everywhere but he couldn't find him. Hawkeye sighed. Hawkeye shook his head. He walked back to the Swamp feeling like a complete jerk.

BJ sat on Father Mulcahy's cot hoping Hawkeye wouldn't come looking for him.


	8. Chapter 8

_(AN: Here is chapter 8. Wow. Four chapters in one day. I didn't think I could do it. Hope you enjoy.)_

BJ nearly jumped when he heard the door of the tent open. Father Mulcahy looked surprised to see BJ on his cot.

"BJ, what happened?" Mulcahy asked looking at BJ's bandaged arm.

"An accident. I messed up." Father Mulcahy pulled his chair by the bed and sat down.

"What happened, BJ?"

"I think I ruined my friendship with Hawkeye."

"Are you sure? We are talking about Hawkeye."

"I'm not sure but I screwed up."

"If you're not sure then maybe you should talk to Hawkeye. Hawkeye is never one to stay mad or upset long. Well knowing Hawkeye he probably thinks he did something wrong." BJ looked away. He never considered that Hawkeye could be beating himself up for his mistake.

"I'll go get Hawkeye for you. You two should talk this out. I have to go see Colonel Potter anyway," Father Mulcahy said.

BJ nodded his head and watched the Father leave. BJ sat there thinking about the mess he made.

Hawkeye sat in the Swamp waiting for BJ to come back. Hawkeye really didn't think he would want to. He felt like an idiot and jerk. He heard the door open. He looked up hoping it was BJ but Father Mulcahy came in.

"BJ is my tent. Go talk to him. He's very upset." Hawkeye shot off of his cot.

"Thank you Father," he said as he darted past Mulcahy and out of tent.

Hawkeye ran all the way to the Father's tent. He opened the door and stepped into the tent. BJ looked up at him.

"Hawkeye I'm really sorry about…," BJ started to say but Hawkeye silenced him by kissing him. BJ was pleasantly surprised and soon kissed back. Hawkeye broke the kiss.

"I'm sorry Beej. You caught me off guard in the Swamp. I wasn't expecting that."

"I didn't mean to run. I didn't want a repeat." BJ said hugging Hawkeye. Hawkeye hugged him back.

Hawkeye's brain snapped back to reality as he remembered who's tent he was in. "Uh, Beej could we leave because it is weird being in here with you like this." BJ looked confused but then his eyes widened.

"Yeah, let's go Hawk." Hawkeye got off the cot and pulled BJ up off the cot. They both walked out of the tent as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. Hawkeye threw his arm around BJ's shoulder and BJ smiled and did the same.

"You want to go to the Officer's Club?" Hawkeye asked. He needed something to drink and he knew BJ needed one more than anyone else.

"Sure. I could use a drink." Hawkeye looked at BJ.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I've never been better Hawk," BJ said with a real smile. Hawkeye smiled back. He knew now it was going to be easier to help BJ through this rough patch and hopefully he will be able to put BJ back together.

Hawkeye and BJ came out of the Officer's Club giggling. Hawkeye was the sober one of the two and he half carried BJ. Hawkeye didn't know why they were laughing but he couldn't stop.

They made it to the tent in one piece. Hawkeye helped BJ onto his cot. BJ pulled Hawkeye down on top of him.

"When is Charles coming back?" BJ asked.

"He has Post-Op all night and you are drunk." Hawkeye tried to get up but BJ wouldn't let him.

"Please don't go," BJ said his words slurring slightly. Hawkeye kissed him.

"I'm not but I have to go to my own cot."

"Don't leave me." Hawkeye saw the hurt shining in his eyes.

"I'll stay until you go to sleep." BJ smiled slightly.

Hawkeye laid there waiting for BJ to fall asleep which didn't take long. Hawkeye kissed him softly. "I know it hurts but you will always have me," he said softly. Hawkeye moved quietly and carefully off of BJ. He crawled onto his own cot and fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

_(AN: Here is chapter 9. Hope you enjoy.)_

BJ woke up and groaned. I shouldn't have had so many drinks, BJ thought. He sat up and looked over at Hawkeye's cot. It was empty.

BJ yawned and then got off the cot. He put on some fresh clothes and walked out of the Swamp.

BJ walked to the Mess Tent. He opened the door and looked around. "Beej!" Hawkeye yelled over the noise. BJ walked over his head throbbing slightly.

"Here," Hawkeye said as he pushed a cup of coffee over to BJ while he sat. BJ smiled and drank some.

"Guess what BJ?"

"What Hawk?"

"The Colonel was generous enough to give you and me a three day pass to Tokyo."

"It was nothing Hawkeye. BJ needs to get out of here and you could use the time off too Hawkeye."

"Thank you Colonel Potter."

"Don't thank me, thank the Padre." Father Mulcahy drank his coffee.

"No need to thank me at all." BJ smiled again.

"Three days alone Beej. We can get out of this hell hole." BJ smiled at Hawkeye's enthusiasm as he packed.

"When do we leave?"

"This afternoon. We get to spend time alone and we can talk about some things."

"Yeah, I'm happy about that too." Hawkeye stopped moving and sat next to BJ.

"You're blaming yourself again aren't you?"

"Can't help it Hawk. I'm sorry but I can't help it." Hawkeye ran his fingers through BJ hair. "You can't blame yourself."

"I know Hawkeye." Hawkeye kissed BJ and smiled.

"Come on get packed. We will never be able to leave if you don't" BJ shook his head and smiled. He got up and started packing.

"Come on Beej, we'll be late," Hawkeye said from the back of the jeep.

"I'm coming Hawkeye," BJ said as he came out of the Swamp.

"We might run into traffic." BJ hopped into the back of the jeep with his things.

"Hurry on Radar. We don't want to waste anytime," Hawkeye said.

Hawkeye dropped his suitcases on the floor and jumped in the bed. He sighed. "I haven't been in a real bed in months." BJ shook his head and placed his suitcase by the second bed and sat down on the bed next to Hawkeye.

"That does feel nice." Hawkeye leaned on his elbow and looked at BJ.

"So we have tomorrow, the next day, and the next day after that. Then we leave the next morning. What should we do with all that time?"

"I don't know Hawk."

"What's wrong BJ?" BJ looked away nothing.

"Nothing's wrong."

"I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

BJ pushed Hawkeye down on the bed and kissed him. Hawkeye wrapped his arms around BJ's neck.

"I want you. That's the problem. I feel like I'm using you," BJ said against Hawkeye's lips.

"Do you want this?" Hawkeye said breaking the kiss. BJ nodded his head. "I've wanted this for a long time."

"Then you're not using me," Hawkeye said kissing him.

BJ's hand trailed down Hawkeye's side and started to un-tuck his shirt. Hawkeye moaned as BJ hand slid over his skin. BJ broke the kiss and sat back on his legs. He pulled off his jacket and shirt. Hawkeye sat up and did the same. BJ pushed him back down onto the bed. Hawkeye smiled at the confident look in BJ's eyes. He knew that BJ needed this.

BJ started to unbuckle Hawkeye's pants. He paused for a second and hesitated.

Hawkeye pulled BJ back over him and kissed him. "Keep going," Hawkeye said against his lips. BJ started to pull Hawkeye's pants down knowing that there was no turning back.


	10. Chapter 10

_(AN: Here is chapter 10. Hope you enjoy.)_

BJ walked out of the bathroom with only his boxers on and slipped next to Hawkeye on the bed. BJ kissed Hawkeye on the shoulder. Hawkeye sighed in content. They spent their time mostly in the room only leaving three times.

"We go back today," Hawkeye said.

"Yeah, we do."

"We haven't talked about some things I wanted to bring up."

"What Hawk?" BJ asked leaning on his elbow.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about this but what are you going to do when the war is over." BJ sighed and looked away from Hawkeye.

"I'm going to go to California and I'm going to see my little girl. I'm also going to get my divorce finalized." Hawkeye nodded his head.

"And you're coming with me." Hawkeye looked at BJ in surprise.

"I'm not going without you. It would be nice if you met Erin," BJ said with a smile. Hawkeye grinned.

"We should stay close to Erin."

"What about Crabapple Cove?"

"We can visit there often. I think I need a vacation anyway. I'm not going to leave you on your own." BJ kissed Hawkeye.

"Thank you." Hawkeye hugged BJ and pulled him closer.

"You know we have to get up now if we want to get back to camp by this afternoon at least." BJ sighed and untangled himself from Hawkeye. Hawkeye got out of the bed too and got dressed.

BJ stood on the helipad. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He was somewhat glad to be back at the camp but would rather still be in Tokyo with Hawkeye. He still couldn't let go but he was starting to loosen his grip. Time, BJ thought bitterly.

He heard a noise and he turned around to see Hawkeye standing there. "Hey," Hawkeye said softly as he walked closer to BJ.

"Hey."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just needed to think." Hawkeye wrapped his arms around BJ's neck and BJ kissed him.

"Why do you want me Hawk? I'm broken."

"I love you BJ and you're not going to stay broken." Hawkeye kissed BJ and unwrapped his arms from around BJ's neck, leaving an arm around his shoulder. BJ wrapped an arm around Hawkeye's waist. They stood watching the sun sink behind the mountains. Hawkeye now knew that both he and BJ were going to be okay.


	11. Epilogue

"Hey calm down."

"Sorry Hawk, I'm just a little nervous."

"I'm nervous too, Beej."

"You really have nothing to be nervous about."

"I have a lot to be nervous about."

"You're going to be alright. I'm going to be alright. Let's calm down."

"I'm calm BJ. I'm more worried about you."

"I'm fine Hawk, thanks to you," BJ said softly.

"No need to thank me. I love you Beej," Hawkeye whispered so only BJ could hear.

"I love you too," BJ whispered back.

"So do you see her?"

"No not yet."

"You sure you're fine Beej?"

"I'm nervous but I'm fine. Oh! I see them."

Hawkeye looked in the direction BJ pointing.

"She's beautiful BJ."

"I know. I'm happy to be back. Come on Hawk."

"Coming Beej," Hawkeye said with a smile as he followed BJ who was smiling completely and fully for the first time in months.

_(AN: Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this.)_


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